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Talk:Eli-Clare Relationship/@comment-24278407-20131211055134/@comment-6272714-20131216024641
@Jade, My point here is that EClare is toxic, rendering the relationship ruined. Emotional manipulation = toxicity. It is toxic on Eli's part as he is abusing Clare. It doesn't matter the extremity of how emotionally damaged Clare is from this, whether it be permanent damage or not, the point is that she ''is STILL ''emotionally damaged. She is ''not ''okay as of now. Because she's not okay yet she still forgave Eli, this relationship is currently extremely unhealthy. I'm not babying her and painting her as a helpless victim, I'm stating the truth. The girl's esteem is at an all new low point because of what Eli did, and he's already done so much that I feel as though this was the last straw. There is no excuse for him this time. He was of sound mind and should be held accountable for his actions. I'm not just referring to his act of cheating, but the way he went about making up for it. It was manipulative, immature, and wrong in so many ways. The avoidance of both Clare and Lenore, the lack of an apology, and the lack of communication between him and Clare. It was all wrong. Clare did not kiss Drew as a way to get back at Eli. She kissed Drew because he lifted her spirits and told her what she needed to hear: that she was good enough. That kiss had nothing to do with getting revenge on Eli. It had everything to do with her lack of self-esteem and desperation for validation after feeling as though she was not good enough in Eli's eyes anymore. She's blaming herself, which is toxic, and not okay. You can't simply shrug and say "it happens" as a way of putting this situation to rest. Clare IS unstable. She would not have turned to Drew if she wasn't. She would not have looked uncomfortable with Eli if she wasn't. She's hurt from this, and there's currently no communication between Eli and Clare over this. She's literally suffering in silence. Problems are still lingering between Eli and Clare, major problems, yet you think this relationship is fine? It is not salvageable anymore. Not solely because of Eli's infidelity (although that is the center of this shitstorm), but also because of the way Eli went about owning up to his mistake. This relationship is abusive on Eli's part: he did not confess to Clare about the affair until SHE confronted him, he manipulated her into forgiving him, he never apologized, and he expects everything to return to normal after only putting a half-assed effort into fixing this mess, the mess in which HE caused. "Also, I don't really think Eli manipulated her. She very easily could have said no" Seriously? Oh my god. He put together a book of all their emails as a way of reminding her of their history and emotional connection so as to persuade her into taking him back as opposed to giving her a sincere apology, which would have shown his true regret and remorse. But nope, he'd rather poke at her soft spots as a way to affect her feelings towards him (manipulation) so that she wouldn't decide to break ties with him. It was manipulation in every sense of the word. And as for thinking she could have easily rejected him: oh, yes, because it is SO easy to reject the guy you're in passionate, amorous love with. It's SO easy to throw away three years of history together. It's simple to look at him in the eyes, shut off your intense emotions, and break everything off. Even with the influence of manipulation, it's totally simple! Even easier, infact! Yes, throw in the reminder of her emotional attachment to the guy she was committed to and loved more than anyone, represented in the form of a book of emails, and it makes it even EASIER for her to say no! Smh. About the comparisons of Eli's past actions with the cheating: you've just pretty much admitted yourself that he's manipulative and abusive. Yet you're still fine with this relationship, and you still believe in it? If anything, this should further convince you otherwise. It's a pattern with EClare, a pattern of heartbreak and abuse, and it's got to stop now. I still think that your comparisons of other things he's done with this event is irrelevant as those past situations were entirely different and happened under different circumstances, but there's still a pattern evident there: one of manipulation, heartbreak, and forgiveness. It needs to end. "Just a kiss is better than taking illegal drugs, frolocking naked in a high school and then flat out blaming Clare." I'm getting tired of people excusing Eli's cheating by comparing it to worse acts (especially this act you've used, in which he was in a state where he wasn't even properly able to make decisions as he was traumatized once again by death). What does his past actions have to do with this current situation? Absolutely nothing. He. Cheated. On. Clare. It's not BETTER than his past actions. Cheating is never okay, even when trivialized in comparison to acts of greater severity. Although that is subjective: to me, his act of cheating is WORSE than his past mistakes. It's worse because this time, he was stable and completely capable of clear judgment. He knew what he was doing. Smh. EClare is ruined.